A Sentimental Soul

Sudden Loss

The doorbell rang this morning and the dogs, as is normal, went nuts.  It was our next door neighbor, a lovely woman, younger than my mother but older than me.  I smiled brightly thinking she'd come for a little visit with my mother-she did, but with some tragic news---terribly sad, any way.

Another neighbor died last night.  He and his lovely bride of three years had gone out to dinner last night with friends.  They passed me in their car as I walked the dogs.  I thought how pretty this 80-something lady looked as they passed by-radiant, in fact.  It seems her husband fell suddenly and violently ill during dinner.  An ambulance was called but, from what I understand, he was gone before they even got to the hospital.

My mother took the news stoically.  I burst into tears and am still having trouble getting myself together. How could this be?  He was so alive last night when they drove by.  He'd played golf yesterday afternoon. He and his wife had just recently returned from one of their many vacations...  There was no warning---except age, perhaps.

Oh, and his wife---a beautiful woman, a lovely woman whose faith in God has been shattered by the tragic loss of her first husband when she was a young woman and then the prolonged, suffering death of her second husband some years back... She's suffered so much loss and has survived a battle with cancer, a terrible automobile accident...Yet, to look at her, to meet her, you'd think she lives an enviable life. In many ways, she has.

Why am I so affected?  I didn't know him well.  He was 82-he had two years on my own father---and a happy, heathy, active two years at that.  It's so sad, heartbreaking but, really, it isn't tragic.  We all die---that's a fact.  This man lived his life to the fullest up until moments before he died.  He was in his wife's arms-she rocked him and cried "I love you, I love you..."  He was surrounded by friends when an angel took him home.  He had no warning, no agonizing thoughts about the end; he didn't spend his last years or even hours lingering somewhere between life and death.  It is sad to lose someone, so sad, but this death is not a tragic death.  It is simply sad-sad for those left behind.

I do not think I am afraid of death-I am terrified of the transition.  No one wants to suffer.  I don't want months or even minutes of pain beyond imagination.  To go to sleep and never wake up...that's the way I hope to transition.  Sudden loss is so very hard for those left behind, but I know, too, that anticipated loss is sad, too.  Death is really an every day occurrence.  It is part of the circle of life---the part that I may never be able to deal with well.

Exploding Eggs & A Bathtub Full...

It was one of those days.  Mom requested egg salad for lunch today.  I had a schedule this morning that included making cards for my Design Teams.  I put the eggs on, noted the time, sure that I would remember when to go down, headed upstairs and started to create.  

Once in my sanctuary, I soon got into the zone.  Once there, the passage of time is not evident-it slips away quickly.  Some time later, I noticed an oder-it smelled of burned something. Since clearly nothing was burning in my creative space, I thought it best to check out where this smell might be coming from.  At this point, I had no memory of having put those eggs on the stove-scary, huh!  I headed downstairs.  As soon as I started down, the smell go stronger.  The air was thick with smoke-ah, the eggs!!!  You now what happens when you boil eggs for a couple of hours and the water boils away?  They explode!  Yikes, what a mess!  Olivia thought it a wonderland-bits of hard boiled egg all over the room-yum!

No sooner had I cleaned up this disaster then I heard something topple over-the cat...  Earl LOVES to eat-nothing is more motivating to this cat, nothing is more important to this cat!  If I do not feed him when he demands, he attempts to self-feed.  Today, he was successful.  He knocked over the container of cat food and it spilled into my mother's lovely garden tub!  The heck with it-Earl would take care of that mess!

Mission accomplished-I finished three out of my four DT cards, wrote a post, ran some errands and managed to clean up the egg explosion.  However, the tub is still a giant cat food bowl---there is always tomorrow!

Day by Day

That's how we do it-day by day.  There are good ones, not so good ones but lately, gratefully, no seriously bad ones.  Mom stays in bed for days at a time napping most heavily in the morning hours, occasionally mid-afternoon, but when she is awake, she is herself-the same self I have always known though not her busy self.  She likes to hear what is going on the community and has stories to tell-yup, I've heard some of them oh, a gazillion times, but they are her stories so I try to listen patiently.  Some days I am better at that than others.

Her tv is always on and while it sometimes wears on my nerves, it is a lifeline for her.  She doesn't read much any more.  I am not sure if that has to do with vision or attention span.  I have noticed that she no longer does her word puzzles-she used to do those in most of her waking hours.  Why she stopped, I do not know---and, it seems, nothing else has taken the place of those puzzles.  She loves it when I stop and sit with her-I try to do that a bit each day---generally around mealtime.  

This week has been a good week though one day, I felt so sad.  I live, it seems, in limbo.  This is, after all, my mother's house.  Some of the upstairs spaces have become mine, and this is where I feel most comfortable.  While I love this house and my parents' things, I tiptoe around change downstairs.  Nothing escapes my mother's eye--it's hard for both of us.  

I have done a bit (not a lot) of de-cluttering in the kitchen.  My mother has always been a maker of piles-piles of "important" papers, magazines, torn out clippings, coupons...yeah, me, too but I have to explode the piles from time to time.  I cannot stand the piles in the kitchen-so, they are gone now but, my, it took a while.  

Then there are the projects---lots of projects, lots of bags and baskets over-flowing with yarn, floss, fabric, patterns...I minded them much less when she used them.  Now, they are merely a reminder of what she once did.  They are a reminder that one day, much sooner rather than later, my world will begin to shrink and what I once loved to do, I will no longer be able to do.

More and more things have made their way into her bedroom and then her closet, a closet packed with clothing, very little of which still gets worn.  Don't know what to do with something?  Throw it in the closet!

Today is a good day, a quiet Sunday day.  Mom sits in her bed, upon her throne enjoying an old movie on tv-no place to go, nothing to do.  Today is a good day---we are taking life day by day.

Let's Go Shopping!

It's been an especially busy week for Mom. Several of her friends invited us out to lunch on Monday-what a lovely time.  There I was with some of Mom's dearest friends.  Half of the group was 80 something, then two were in their 70s (?) and me-one of those rare times when I felt truly young.  I know these opportunities are quick to fade now, but gee, they are fun!  I have learned so  much though about aging women-they are no different than younger women---just encased in younger skin!  

Actually, that's not true.  I think women become more themselves as they age.  They can look back and smile but are ever so happy in the here and now.  They care about how they look, but if they're a bit plumper than they used to be, if there are more wrinkles then they'd like, they don't let it ruin their days!  

Usually an outing means days of recovery,but Tuesday was the scheduled hair dresser's appointment and remarkably, Mom was up to it!  After she got beautiful, it was out to lunch-just the two of us.  Generally, once Mom makes the effort to dress and get out, she does like to ride around. So after lunch, we took a local tour.  

As we headed home, Mom said wistfully, "I'd like to go shopping.  I know-you can take me up to the hospital, get a wheelchair and take me to the hospital gift shop."

Now that is a desperate woman.  The local women's clothing store has handicapped parking!  Even so,the walk in was difficult, but everyone was so kind.  Once in the door, she sat and the ladies brought things to her!  After about 45 minutes, we left, bags in hand.

The new clothes sit ready for the next trip-looking forward to a Mother's Day lunch! 

Home Again, Home Again...

So, Earl is home and all is right with the world.  My mother was a wholly different person today-so very happy.  Earl has spent much of the last 24 hours curled up in my mother's arms.

I did have to take Earl to the vets today for his initial check up as our cat.  My mother clucked over him like a mother hen and treated me like I was totally incompetent.

    "Now, Ann, make sure he doesn't get."

    "Be sure to take these papers."

    "Be sure to ask...Be sure to tell...Then do...and make sure..."

Got it, Mom, I think I can handle this.  I've been a fully functioning (well, most of the time) adult now for what, 34 years or so!  Oh, no wait, I am 42 (hah!)-so 20 years.  In any case, I've been doing the cat to the vet thing for a l-o-n-g time.

When we arrived back home, it was time to give the report.  It seems this vet thinks the cat might be a "A Blue Point Snow Shoe."  Mom requested a book about various cat breeds so off I went to the library where I checked out the only book on different cat breeds.  Mom has studied that book with her trusty magnifying glass-perhaps a Blue Point Burmese?!  Who knows...he's a blue point something or other, but most important of all, he is here and sweet and Mom is happy!

Oh Where, Oh Where has Our Big Old Cat Gone...

This is Earl---such a handsome fellow and such a sweet cat.  My mother bonded with him so quickly.  He responded to his name after being here just one day!  I'd walk in the bedroom to find them curled around each other, both sleeping soundly---a match made in heaven, or so we thought. 

Brady was convinced that Earl was here for him-another  creature to play with.  Earl thought not!  After a few days, they seemed to reach some what of an understanding.  Earl became more brazen, leaving the bedroom to explore the house and settling in the living room, off limits to the dogs.  Life was good.

Mom was happier then I have seen her for a while.  She couldn't wait to call special friends and tell them about her new cat,  

    "He's the best cat I've ever had!"  It was LOVE!

Gordon, my husband, came this weekend.  I was excited to see him!  This was a special weekend here in town-the annual Mutt Strut, a fund raiser for the animal shelter and an all around fun morning.  We took both Brady and Olivia downtown to strut their stuff!  There were contests and raffles, food, face painting...a very festive morning!  

Three hours later, we returned home.  As we approached the house, I could see that the door was ajar-not a good sign.  I ran to Mom's bedroom-she was fine, but the cat was gone!  There was no doubt that Earl had taken off.  He was, after all, a flight risk from the get go having been found once already and turned over to the shelter.  We searched the neighborhood and surrounding neighborhoods-no Earl.  I e-mailed friends and neighbors with his photo and have since posted signs, called the shelter and the area vets but thus far, to no avail.

Could he be in search of his original owners?  Has someone found him and decided to keep him?  Has an animal gotten him (sadly, eagles and hawks circle the fields behind the house and they have been known to carry of cats).  

Sunday morning, I walked into the family room and found my mother sitting on the sofa looking wistfully out the window.  She just doesn't do this any more-a trip to the family room literally takes her breath away so she has to be highly motivated to go out there.  I was actually a bit alarmed to see her up so early and sitting out there.  

    "What are you doing, Mom?"

    "I am willing the cat to come home."

Later in the day, we went out to lunch.  After lunch, she asked me to drive out to the shelter to see if Earl had gone back there.  I did.  She put her window down and called him.  I saw a woman cleaning the dog pens and went over to her to ask if Earl had shown up there.  Since he lived there for over two months, she knew just who he was-no, he wasn't there.  

    On the ride home, Mom said, "Wouldn't it be wonderful if we drove up to the house and Earl was sitting on the front steps?"

Yes, it sure would, but he wasn't.  I am sad, too-sad that we have lost this delightful cat and sadder still that my mother's poor heart has been broken once again.

Duke of Earl

My mother has been mourning the loss of her little poodle for a year and a half now.  She adopted  him from the pound  shortly after my father died.  The dog was OLD, had the worst smelling breathe ever, and relieved himself all over the house-ugh.  Oh, but she loved him.  My dogs truly helped fill the void, but she wanted her own pet.  Every week, she scanned the animal ads in the paper and looked at the shelter's "Pet of the Week."  

Several weeks ago, we made a trip to the shelter and met Sunshine, a HUGE female, tiger cat.  She was a love and immediately took to Mom.  We left without her-a cat; we don't need a cat!  

Friday, Mom saw Sunshine's picture in the paper-"The Pet of the Week."  

Call the shelter-see if she's still there!

I did, but Sunshine had found a new home.  The woman at the shelter wasn't going to let me just hang up, not when she had the possibility of placing a cat.  The shelter is over-run with kittens.  Oh, they are adorable, but...  They also have cats, lots of cats, but having had very destructive cats, we were interested only in a declawed cat.  Guess what?  Yup, they had one-just one, a male Blue Point Siamese.

Saturday morning, I found my mother getting dressed-I can't remember the last time she did this without prodding.  We had to get to the shelter early just in case someone else might be looking for a declawed cat.  

They called him Mr. Hansome (they spelled it without a "d").  We visited with him in the main lobby-Mom couldn't make it back to the "cat room."  The shelter was busy with volunteers, visitors and people coming to adopt.  The cat was panicky-he never did relax.  I wasn't sure he'd be a good fit, but after about an hour, the decision was made-we were going to take Mr. Hansome home.

One of the volunteers put the cat in a crate.   Mr. Hansome did have something to say about that!  When we arrived home, the dogs greeted us.  Now both have been around cats before, but it seems Brady thought we brought this cat home just for him.  I opened the crate door.  Brady stuck his head in.  The cat hissed and swatted.  Clearly, Brady remembered being smacked by a cat as he jumped and yelped though this cat has no claws.  A few attempts later, Brady realized that this cat's strikes were harmless. Since Brady wouldn't leave the cat alone, I took the cat, still in the crate, into Mom's room.  Within minutes, the cat was curled up next to Mom in the bed-they slept the afternoon away!

So, it seems, we have a cat.  Mom named him Earl-the Duke of Earl as he was found in a little town called Earlsville.  He lives in Mom's room and comes when she calls his name.  He is mighty hansome and mighty sweet.  

Fosimax Monday

Today is Monday, Fosimax Monday!  Shortly after I arrived here, I started to make a schedule of sorts to give both my mother and me some structure.  The Fosimax was the starting point-it was already a part of my mother's limited routine.  I wake her at 8 and give her pill with a full glass of water, then sit and chat for 30 minutes before giving her breakfast and going on with the day.

Our routine has changed depending on my schedule and how Mom is doing.  I am taking a couple of classes-purely for the sake of learning and enjoyment.  Now that I'm serving on some design teams, I have to pay more attention to the calendar and schedules-this is a good thing...for me!

Yesterday was such a good day.  I went to church in the morning-Mom went back to sleep as is her latest routine. Mom did get up after lunch, and she even got dressed.  I set a card table up in the family room so she could spread out and sort her growing pile of papers.  She was so proud of herself for working through this mess.  We watched Catch Me if You Can together on t.v.-really good movie!  A dear neighbor made dinner for us and delivered it-how great is that?!  After dinner, I retreated to my studio and worked on my design team obligations.

Today was a new day, a different day.  I overslept-making up for days of under-sleeping!  Mom didn't want to wake up either, but I finally convinced her to take her Fosimax.  She ate a late breakfast and then went back to sleep.  I thought she'd get up again, this afternoon, but that wasn't part of her plan.

Fosimax Monday is drawing to a close.  Tomorrow is Tuesday-we'll see what that brings!

Date Night

Last night was one of those rare evenings when my dear husband could join us.  Unfortunately, he has a terrible cold so we could not go out.  Instead, he curled up on the couch under Erik's blanket-nothing soothes better than that, and we watched a movie---the 5 of us!

Mom is spending so much more time in bed these days.  She comes out only by invitation or insistence-last night was an invitation.  She donned her robe, a gift from Kristin, and hobbled out to the family room. She was in high spirits!

With three folks fawning over them, the dogs were torn, but since "Daddy" is here so rarely, it didn't take long for them to decide.  He was surrounded!  We settled in for one of the best movies I've seen in a long time!

What a wonderful movie-so deserving of an Oscar!  We watched Blindside, a movie that all generations can watch and appreciate.  The acting was terrific and the story-well, just too wonderful to be true, but it is!!! Already spitting mad at Jessie James for his betrayal of one of my favorite actresses, now I am even further enraged!!!  ARGH!  What the h*#@%!! ails these crazy men?  Sandra deserves a wonderful man, don't you agree?!

Date night was great-well attended, not romantic (due to illness) but just great.  When I was younger, I never considered inviting my mother along on a "date."  Times change, circumstances change---this was a wonderful shared date.

The morning after-no regrets, no hangovers, just pleasant memories!

Out to Lunch...

Yesterday was a BIG day.  We had n outing.  Mom had a hair appointment.  I set out her clothes, offered assistance and figured a two hour prep time would suffice.  I was wrong.  Regis and Kelly chattered on the television set, the dogs were curled up and Mom was in no hurry.  Unfortunately, I was in no mood for all of this nonsense-I hate to be late for an appointment so when I checked in and found Mom just enjoying her t.v. and ignoring the getting ready challenge, I registered my annoyance-and then I felt terrible-I'm sorry!  

We were late but not by much.  The appointment didn't take long and the results were a real boost for Mom.  After the appointment, we headed to the club for lunch.  The hardest part of the day was behind us-getting dressed and out!  We did a bit of driving about-Mom likes to see what is going on about town so we make a slow pass through which isn't hard because at any given moment someone is likely to step off the curb into traffic so slow is best!

That was enough to tire her out for the rest of the day---and today, too.

This morning, Mom brought up climbing the stairs to the second floor.  She hasn't been upstairs in over two years, and she wants to see the studio I have established in a once vacant room.  Yikes-a full flight of stairs.  What happens if I get her up there and can't get her down?  What happens if she gets half way up and can't catch her breath?  There is a railing on one side-not the other, and it doesn't go all the way up. Because she broke her hip last spring, stair climbing is a challenge-one step at a time, much like a toddler, not foot over foot.  Then there is the oxygen issue-we'd have to carry a portable tank.  She gets breathless crossing the room-stair climbing is serious exercise.

I tried to be gentle, but guess I abruptly dismissed this idea as a poor one.  At the very least, I explained, I'd need more support here to try this-preferably two very strong men who could carry her up and/or down should she need that kind of help.  Poor Mom, she was crushed-well never mind.  What must that feel like-believing you will never get upstairs in your own home.

Yes, her world is shrinking, and she is painfully aware of it.  A few years ago, she decided she'd never fly again.  Then, any independent travel was lost and now, a simple trip upstairs would take major planning and assistance.  I can still get her out-not often and not for long periods of time, but our outings are important.